CHEST RELEASE

What goes into my head? There are no words to go by
Yet I still write tirelessly to the point to where I'll try
An impossible task see I'm hard headed nonetheless
& if you think this a poem then take a second guess

This is where I vent through the deepest most suffocating fog
& it just so happens to be that the source is this blog
Now let my brain exercise 1st before we start this lyrical jog

As I warm up I just want it to be known, that yes I believe I'm the best
But not because of talent alone, simply because I'm blessed
I cheated death 3 times & I now see life is not a test
Still I sometimes cry myself to sleep just to allow my eyes to rest

See back in the summer of 2002
There was a party I went to
& everything started off cool

But somebodies ex came through
& I wasn't tripping when he started banging DaMu
But I did start to trip when he seen that I was rocking blue

A punch in the face & 5 shots later, I made it out alive
I was 14 at the time & almost lost my life

The second time I don't like to ever speak of
Just know God sent me 1 of his best from above

& I will never speak of that one for obvious reasons

Just know & understand that i really like breathing

& the 3rd of my nine lives came when I fell of that bike
War wounds on my arm so I think about that day every night
& to relive that feeling often brings back an intense fright
So sometimes when I dream, I often scream on the inside

That's a normal pain that I deal with on the daily
& don't mention the fact that the oldest of 8 is still viewed as a baby
Yes my own family truly believes that I'm destined to lose
It hurts yet its bittersweet since now I have a reason to prove
Myself Darrin Elliot it is I, paying my dues
Hopefully my balance breaks even before I get done with school

Chasing Hollywood, big dreams & cashmere thoughts flutter my head
Truly believe that my bank account will someday say "Massive bread"
Spoke with the devil, more than I do God & this is what he said

"Don't look to the world to find compassion, welcome the pain
Allow it to fall on your skull like a summers rain
& when it is your time to reign
In my kingdom you will remain"

& when he spoke to me, he didn't even say that shit in vein
In fact we spoke as if we'd be destined for fame

Now in this attempt to spill out my heart I'm going to start
& say that through my fuck ups others played their part

For starters mi familia is mainly why my head is sick
But its OK, because I've already forgotten them kinda quick
So when BIG money comes around, they won't ask me for shit
& don't get me started on these chicks, that I messed with

Each of them did whatever it is they did & played their part

Somehow in some way they each affected my heart

But the love i want still hasn't even sparked

I mean honestly that's a sad reality that i have to swallow

who are they you ask well the list goes as follows :

A chick whose the epitome of legit
A ghetto chick who loved to drink & hit
A chick with a baby who just broke down & quit
A model who thought she was the shit
A baddy who just got up & split
A weed head chick who constantly forgets
A party girl who's off to the club real quick

But from all these souls there's something good to go with
They were all down & helped me to the fullest
Some more than others that's why I'm on some brand new shit

As I take the weight of the world I continue to rack up plates
& lifts this shit up & down like its a piece of cake
So no don't you dare ask me if I'm OK,
Couldn't walk a day in my shoes, you don't possess what it takes

& I'm not here complaining see I know life is hard for everybody
& when I write this I'm not taking shots at anybody

I'm just saying what I feel I must for me to keep sane
Don't try to feel my pain
Just understand that all I need is me & I'm cool to maintain
See back in 05 there was this chest, desire, & flame
Put them all in my heart & its one in the same
Screenplays to books & poetry to me its all the same
Just do me this 1 favor & never forget my name

Don't you ever, ever forget my name

-Darrin Elliot